


Trust-falling For You

by AgentStannerShipper



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Exhibitionism, M/M, Sex, Some feels, Voyeurism, slightly crackish, touch-averse!Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:16:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentStannerShipper/pseuds/AgentStannerShipper
Summary: Harry and Eggsy have a burning, passionate love for each other.Merlin and Harry have a softer, hidden love, tempered by time.Eggsy and Merlin have a shy, budding love that needs to be addressed.Or, Harry and Eggsy's first time completely changes the dynamics of their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stravaganza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravaganza/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻譯】Trust-falling For You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13754451) by [sandykill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandykill/pseuds/sandykill)



> Shut up, I never said I could title.  
> Blame stravaganza, who showed me a prompt and then, I assume, cast a spell on me so I wrote all but maybe a thousand words of this last night. Sorry if the writing's not great, it was late and I'm shit at editing after the fact. The prompt was: "Harry is so used to having Merlin in his ear during honeypots that when he gets with Eggsy he can barely get it up. So, of course, Merlin selflessly starts talking dirty to Harry…until Eggsy feels cut out and just invites him into their room."
> 
> Let me know if I missed tagging anything important.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a thing that's going to make sex with Eggsy somewhat difficult.

This is embarrassing. It’s really bloody embarrassing, and there’s no way it will end in dignity for him.

About ten seconds ago, Harry had a very eager Eggsy on his lap, writhing and moaning like it’s his job, kissing him enthusiastically and messily and generally enjoying one of the better snogging sessions of Harry’s life. And about nine seconds ago, Eggsy slid his hand between them to palm at Harry’s crotch and stopped, point blank, to ask, with a great deal of concern, “Are you not into this?”

The following eight seconds of silence are some of the longest of his life, including that brief moment in Brazil when he’d been convinced that the bomb was still going to go off, until he realized he’d deactivated everything except the bloody timer.

He sits up but doesn’t make a move to remove Eggsy from his lap. He strokes his fingers through Eggsy’s hair in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. “Darling,” he starts carefully. “It’s really not about you, I promise.”

Eggsy’s entire face changes, and Harrys heart sinks. His partner looks dejected, and he shuffles back off Harry’s lap. “Right,” he says. “The ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing.”

“Eggsy, no, that’s not-“

“Just shut up, Harry, alright?” Eggsy paces across the room. He stops and turns on his heel, “You know, if you didn’t want to shag me you should have just said. I really wouldn’t have minded.”

Harry isn’t entirely sure why Eggsy’s so upset. “Who says I don’t want to have sex with you?” he says.

“Pretty sure the lack of an erection speaks for itself.”

“First of all,” Harry says, a bit stiffly (hah), “for a man my age, it wouldn’t be at all unexpected to have trouble getting and maintaining an erection.” He’s nearing sixty, and while he is still fit, he certainly doesn’t have the body of a twenty-something-year-old like Eggsy anymore.

Eggsy blinks, “So, you…”

“No,” Harry sighs. He pats the sofa next to him. This is going to be a complicated talk. They’ve had a lot of talks about their relationship, including the “I swear, this isn’t a weird, semi-incestuous surrogate father thing” talk, the “yes, I know you’re twice my age, but I am a consenting adult and I understand the implications of this” talk, the “this has nothing to do with your father and my guilt surrounding that” talk, and the “we both know that the power dynamics of our work makes this a bit more complicated and we’re actively working to deal with that” talk, just to name a few. They have not, however, had this particular talk, and given that Harry’s never had to have this talk with anyone before, he’s not sure where to start.

Eggsy cautiously returns, taking a seat next to him. “Are you ace or something?” he asks carefully.

“No, I’m not.”

Eggsy shifts, “You know, if you don’t want to have sex for whatever reason, we don’t have to. I kind of love you, you know, and I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want.”

“It’s not that,” Harry says. “I am _very_ interested in having sex with you, darling.”

“Then why…?”

Harry takes a deep breath, “You know my relationship with Merlin is…complicated?”

Eggsy snorts, “That’s putting it mildly.”

Harry has to smile. He and Merlin were never a couple, not really. Too messy, Merlin said, and the wizard isn’t the sort of person to attach himself to others easily. That Harry is even his friend is a miracle, much less anything else. But while Merlin doesn’t like to be touched, he does like to watch.

“You know that, whenever I go on honeypot missions, Merlin is the one who…walks me through them.” That’s one way of putting it, anyway.

Eggsy arches an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything, just nods.

“And you know that, before you, I didn’t really have anyone else. Just…just Merlin.”

Eggsy’s face falls, and Harry realizes his mistake. “If you’re in love with Merlin,” Eggsy says, “then what are you doing with me? Am I second place because you can’t have him?”

Harry sighs, “That is not even remotely what I was trying to say. I phrased it badly.” He stops beating around the bush, “Eggsy, it has been nearly thirty years since I’ve had sex without Merlin there, listening and talking to me.” Hell, he hasn’t even masturbated without it; as he said, Merlin gets off on watching, and their relationship has always sort of slotted neatly into that voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic. Harry would have liked more, but he understands Merlin’s reluctance and he’s not one to push, and so he’s gotten used to the way things were.

“So?”

“So,” Harry says, and this is the really embarrassing part, “I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I find it incredibly difficult to get and maintain an erection without hearing his voice.”

Eggsy _stares_. He opens his mouth, shuts it, and then says, “Do you honestly expect me to believe that shit?”

Harry huffs and crosses his arms, “Believe it or don’t, but it’s the truth.” God, he feels awful. He hates the way Eggsy is looking at him, and he looks away.

“What, is it like a Pavlovian response, or something?” Eggsy asks.

“Or something.”

There’s another pause as Eggsy turns this information over in his head. Eventually, he says, “So, you love me.”

“Yes,” Harry says immediately. “So very much, darling.”

“And you like Merlin. You’ve liked him for a long time.”

“Yes,” Harry says, more slowly.

“And you can’t get it up without him in your ear.”

“No, I can’t,” Harry says grudgingly. He doesn’t understand why Eggsy is drawing this out. If Eggsy’s about to break up with him, he’d like it to happen quickly so he can maximize his time spent crying into a pint of ice cream.

“And just to be absolutely clear, you do want to have sex with me?”

“Yes, I’m interested in having sex with you,” Harry snaps.

“Alright,” Eggsy grins at him, “then I think it’s pretty obvious what we have to do, right?”

“You’ve lost me.”

Eggsy stands up and fetches two pairs of glasses. He looks smug, but the dots haven’t entirely connected yet in Harry’s brain. Eggsy hands one pair to Harry, “You and Merlin are still on good terms, right?”

“Of course.” Merlin and Harry were never exclusive, and Merlin had been the one to tell Harry to ‘just go and get your boy before he leaves your sorry arse for someone else.’

Eggsy slides his own glasses on, and Harry instinctively does the same, so when Eggsy opens the channel and says, “Hey, Merlin, you busy?” both men hear Harry’s sharp intake of breath as Eggsy’s point finally hits him.

“You know I’m off the clock now, right?” Merlin’s slightly grumpy brogue fills Harry’s ears. “I do have a life of my own.”

“Does that life currently involve the option of having sex with us?”

Merlin chokes, and Harry understands the sentiment. There’s a silence over the line, and Harry is about to tell Merlin to forget about it, say that Eggsy was joking, when Merlin asks carefully, “You know I don’t like to be touched, correct? In any context.”

“I know that,” Eggsy says. “But I also know you and Harry have had kind of a thing for a long time now. A thing that involves you helping him get off.”

“…Harry and I had a mutually beneficial arrangement, yes.”

Eggsy snorts, but he gets himself together and asks, “So, turns out, that ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ means Harry’s having a lot of trouble getting it up for me. For me, can you imagine?”

Harry thanks heaven for small mercies when Merlin does not immediately start laughing at him, but he clearly hears the mirth in Merlin’s voice when he says, “That’s quite a shame, lad. My condolences.”

Eggsy straddles Harry’s lap again, looking down between them, and Harry hears Merlin’s breath hitch. Eggsy rocks against Harry and says conversationally, “So, I was thinking, if you’re not too busy, maybe you could give him a hand, so to speak? Or a tongue, as it were.” He pauses, “Okay, that sounded dirty, even for me.”

Merlin chuckles, and Jesus, of course that sound goes right through Harry. “I think I could do that,” Merlin says. “Although I’ll have to ask a favour of you first.”

“Yeah?”

“The mirrors in Harry’s bedroom aren’t just for his vanity.”

Harry bites back a defence of himself as Eggsy grins, “Oh, yeah. We can do that.” He stands up and tugs Harry with him, dragging him into the bedroom (not that Harry’s trying to stop him). “Kit off, babe,” he tells him, already starting to strip.

“Better do as he says,” Merlin tells Harry. “Go on, there’s a good boy.” Harry shudders and obeys.

Eggsy bounces down on the bed to watch him, legs spread, and Merlin purrs, “He’s very pretty, isn’t he?”

“He’s gorgeous,” Harry whispers, shucking his trousers off. Eggsy wiggles his eyebrows at him and Harry rolls his eyes, “Even when he’s being ridiculous.”

Merlin laughs. “Why don’t you tease him a little bit?” he suggests. “Touch yourself.”

Harry cups himself through his briefs, his cock finally starting to firm up beneath his hand, and Eggsy’s eyes go wide. His knees fall further apart, possibly subconsciously, and Harry grins. He rocks his hips into his hand, squeezing gently, and lets out a moan that’s only partially for show.

“That’s it,” Merlin breathes, and Harry can hear from the thickness of his voice how much he’s affected. Eggsy’s eyes are fixed on Harry’s crotch, so Merlin is getting a laser-focused view. Harry slips his hand inside his pants and looks down, giving Merlin a little peek beneath the waistband, and Eggsy whimpers even as Merlin huffs out a little groan.

“Not fair, babe,” Eggsy tells him.

“Sorry, pet,” Harry tells him. He gives himself another few strokes, just to see Eggsy squirm and press a palm to his own cock, leaking against his stomach.

But Harry’s hand is dry, and it’s not the most comfortable feeling, and Merlin, as if they’re psychically connected – and Harry has often suspected they are – says, “Pants off and get on the bed, Harry.”

Harry shoves them off eagerly and slides easily between Eggsy’s legs, running his hands up his smooth thighs and bending down to lick a long stripe up his throbbing cock. Eggsy whines and pants, “Lube, babe, where is it?”

Harry doesn’t answer; instead he leans over Eggsy and gets it himself, fetching it from the drawer in the bedside table. He opens the cap with a click and slicks his fingers. “Still with us, Merlin?” Harry asks, as if he can’t hear the heavy breathing on the other end of the line.

“I’m here,” Merlin says. “But I think maybe you should be paying a bit more attention to your boy.”

“Yeah, Harry,” Eggsy says. He wraps a hand around his cock and strokes. “Feeling a bit neglected over here.”

His tone is playful, and Harry smiles down at him, “Terribly sorry, darling.” He bats Eggsy’s hand away and wraps his own around him instead. Eggsy groans and bucks up into it.

“Want you to fuck me,” he says.

“Of course,” Harry tells him, and lets go of Eggsy, moving lower between his legs and spreading him open so he can look at his hole.

“Oh, that is a pretty sight,” Merlin murmurs. Harry hears a slick sound, and the fact that Merlin is touching himself only makes him harder, and he has to give himself a few quick strokes to relieve the pressure.

“You want to lick him open?” Merlin suggests. “Use that talented tongue of yours to get him nice and ready for your cock?”

Harry and Eggsy both groan together, and Harry needs no further incentive to bury his face between Eggsy’s legs, at first only lapping gently at the puckered entrance, and then, when Eggsy starts begging for him to ‘just put it in already,’ poking just the tip of his tongue inside, teasing him.

“That’s it,” Merlin purrs. “Make him feel good, Harry. Make him beg for your cock.”

Harry’s certainly going to do his best. He spears his tongue forward, licking deeper into Eggsy, who groans and fists at Harry’s hair, rocking his hips back encouragingly. Harry adds two slick fingers, pressing his tongue between them as he opens Eggsy up, stretching him wider, and Eggsy howls.

“Come on, babe, please,” he begs. “Merlin, make him fuck me.”

Merlin laughs, “What do you think, Harry, think the lad’s ready for your cock?”

Harry whines against Eggsy’s entrance. He’s so hard he’s aching, hips rutting against the bed slightly. “Alright, then,” Merlin says, and Harry resurfaces with a gasp, reaching out to fumble in the nightstand again.

Eggsy anticipates what he’s trying to find and tugs him away, wrapping his legs up around Harry’s hips. “Don’t need a condom, babe,” he says. “We’re both clean.”

They’re tested regularly enough that he knows it’s true, so Harry doesn’t even try to protest. He adds another dollop of lube to his hand and tosses the bottle. It lands with a thump on the floor somewhere. Harry strokes his cock a few times before positioning it at Eggsy’s entrance, and Eggsy presses his hips back, trying to get Harry inside him. “I’m ready,” he whines. “Come on, Harry, stop teasing.”

“He’s not teasing, lad,” Merlin says conversationally, and if this were thirty years ago, Harry would be surprised at how collected Merlin sounds, considering the circumstances, but it isn’t thirty years ago and Harry has long since learned that remaining coherent when he’s aroused is one of Merlin magic powers. “Go on, Harry, give him what he wants.”

Harry pushes in, just a fraction, because Eggsy feels like a goddamn vise around his cock. Eggsy moans and shoves back against him, getting another inch in, and Harry grips his hips with a snarl, “Don’t move.” There’s a very good chance that if Eggsy does, Harry’s going to come, and that would be very embarrassing. He’s had enough embarrassment for one day.

“How does he feel?” Merlin breathes in his ear, and Harry can almost imagine him hovering, watching.

He looks down at where they’re joined, because he knows Merlin likes to see this part, and true to form, Merlin’s breath hitches beautifully. “He’s so tight,” Harry whispers. It comes out a little high pitched. “God, if he so much as clenches, it’s over.”

Eggsy, cheeky little shit that he is, clenches down around his cock, and Harry can’t hold back his sob, his hold on Eggsy’s hips tightening. Merlin catches the way his fingers flex, and says, “Did he-?”

“Yes,” Harry manages. Eggsy smirks at him, and Harry grits his teeth and shoves in a little deeper, knocking the smug look off Eggsy’s face and replacing it with a look of pleasure as he tips his head back against the pillow, open mouthed and panting. Harry can’t decide what part of his boy he wants to look at more. He wraps his fingers tight around the base of his cock, fighting to control his breathing, and hears the greedy way Merlin’s strokes speed up.

“Fuck him,” Merlin hisses. “Shove your cock in to the root and show him what happens to naughty boys who tease.”

“Harry’s the tease!” Eggsy protests weakly, and then cries out as Harry slams into him, holding himself there for just a moment, breathing and getting his bearings, before pulling out almost all the way again and setting a steady pace, fucking into him sharply, making Eggsy moan and fight his grip, trying to thrust back against every stroke.

“Talk to me, Harry,” Merlin says. “Does he feel good?”

“So good,” Harry gasps out, and Eggsy echoes the sentiment, his voice equally choked. Harry pauses long enough to shift him, using Eggsy’s gymnastics-earned flexibility to throw his legs over Harry’s shoulders and fold him in half before resuming the pace, and it gets him deeper like this, rutting right into Eggsy’s prostate on every thrust, given the way Eggsy _screams._

“Oh my word,” Merlin breathes. “ _Yes_ , Harry.”

They’re all close. Harry can tell Merlin is from the sound of his voice alone, and Eggsy isn’t being subtle, wrapping his hand around his cock again and jerking it frantically. Harry growls and thrusts harder, and Eggsy shouts his name, exploding over his fist and clenching down hard, this time inadvertently, around Harry’s cock.

Harry fucks him through it, chasing his own orgasm. “Come on, Harry,” Merlin tells him. “That’s it, come in him. Fill him up.”

“Babe, please,” Eggsy begs, and it’s that combination that sets Harry off, shoving himself deep into Eggsy and filling him with his release.

He comes down slowly, breathing heavily. His skin is slick with sweat and Eggsy’s come. Distantly, over the glasses, he hears Merlin sigh with pleasure as he reaches his own climax.

He pulls out of Eggsy slowly. The younger man looks dazed, and Harry strokes the hair gently out his of eyes, “Darling?”

Eggsy smiles weakly up at him, “Can we do that again?”

Harry laughs and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Not right now, pet,” he says. “I’m afraid that’s likely all you’ll get out of me tonight.”

“Tomorrow, then,” Eggsy mumbles, snuggling down on the bed and dragging Harry down with him. Harry lets himself be manhandled by his partner, and he carefully removes the glasses from Eggsy’s face and sets then on the bedside table. Eggsy is already halfway asleep, so Harry figures he’ll wait until the boy has properly passed out before untangling himself to clean up.

He knows the line is still open – he hasn’t heard the tell-tale click – so he murmurs, “Thank you, Merlin.”

“It wasn’t exactly a hardship,” Merlin says, and although the words are flippant, his tone is not.

“I mean it,” Harry presses, because damn it, he wants to have this moment. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Merlin’s voice is more sincere when he says, “Eggsy means the world to you, Harry. Anything I can do to…to make things easier between you…”

Harry smiles. “If you’re alright with it, I anticipate we’ll need your services again in the future.”

“I can do that,” Merlin says easily. He pauses, and Harry can hear that little sound he makes, the huff of breath when he wants to say something but isn’t. Finally, he says, “Goodnight, Harry.”

Harry doesn’t press the point. “Goodnight, Merlin.” The link severs, and he slides the glasses off and puts them next to Eggsy’s. He tells himself he’ll wait just one more minute before he gets up, just to ensure Eggsy, who’s snoring lightly, is really asleep.

Sometime before ‘one minute’ comes, he falls asleep himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has a thing about jealousy. Or, maybe it's not jealously really.

Eggsy likes to think he’s not the jealous type. After all, it’s not like he and Harry have stopped going on honeypots just because they’re in a relationship, although Harry does do fewer than he used to, given his age. They had a conversation about it, and neither of them really care all that much. They love each other, after all, so it ain’t like shagging a few people for work is going to change that. He can’t get jealous of every person his boyfriend fucks. It’d be hypocritical.

And he’s not jealous of them all. Really, he’s not. It’s just Merlin.

And he’s not even really jealous of Merlin’s relationship with Harry so much that he, well, _envies_ them. Merlin isn’t about to steal Harry away from him. Hell, Merlin helps out with their sex life with absolutely no qualms. He told Eggsy, when Eggsy had questioned him about it, that Harry is pretty much the most important person in his life, and since Eggsy is the most important person in Harry’s life, that means Merlin will do whatever he feels is necessary – within his power – the make sure nothing hinders their relationship. “You’re going to argue,” Merlin said. “All couples fight. But it seems silly to fight over something like sex when I can make it easier for both of you.” It’s kind of sweet, in a weird way.

So yeah. Eggsy isn’t jealous. But he envies the connection they have. The way that Harry is allowed a tiny bit of contact with Merlin, little brushes of fingers and occasionally a hand on his shoulder. The way that Merlin looks at Harry, fond and pleased, like he’s watching a particularly magnificent sunset that he’s glad he took the time to admire. And, of course, the way Harry can’t get more than half hard until Merlin starts purring encouragement into his ear, the way he always comes harder when Merlin asks him to. Eggsy feels almost like the middle man (although, he supposes, in a more accurate way Harry is the middle man). And it surprises him, wanting to close that gap, to make a triangle and not a line. Because yeah, Merlin talks to him a bit when he and Harry are having sex, but it’s not the same way he talks to Harry.

“If you’re still thinking that hard, I must be doing something wrong,” Harry tells him, resurfacing from where he’s been busy in Eggsy’s lap.

Eggsy looks down at him, apologetic, “Sorry, babe.”

Harry sits up. They hadn’t actually been doing much, just a surprise morning blow job. Harry hadn’t even bothered trying to get hard, and Merlin’s not in his ear. They do this too, sometimes, just the two of them, and usually Eggsy loves these moments, the way Harry absolutely worships him, but right now he can’t really get into it. Harry can tell too, because he tucks Eggsy against his side and presses a kiss into his hair, “Talk to me.”

“It’s about Merlin.”

Harry frowns, “What about him?”

Eggsy nuzzles into Harry, pressing absentminded kisses along his bare shoulder. “You love him,” he says after a while. “And he loves you.”

“Darling-“

“I ain’t saying you’re going to leave me for him, or that you love him more than me, so whatever reassurance you’re about to give me, I appreciate it, but I don’t need it.” Harry closes his mouth. Eggsy looks up at him, “But you do love him.”

Harry looks like he’s considering, and then nods, “Yes. I love him. I have for a very long time. But he doesn’t feel that way.”

“Think he does,” Eggsy says. “He looks at you like you hung the fucking moon.”

“He looks at me like I’m a pain in his arse.”

“So you hung the moon without his permission,” Eggsy waves off Harry’s point. “I just…I think he wants you. But I think he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to have you because of…” Eggsy motions between them. “Besides, he’s got that ‘no touching’ thing. Can’t be easy.”

“Eggsy-“

“But if we maybe talked to him about it, about making this more of a thing…” Eggsy looks at Harry hopefully. “You know, not like it is now, like you and him, but more a proper thing with all of us.”

Harry blinks at him. “You…like Merlin.”

Eggsy rolls his eyes, “Babe, if I didn’t like Merlin, I would have asked about finding an alternative solution to the sex thing. And I think, if he actually let me in a bit, that maybe I could fall in love with him. Like I fell in love with you.”

Harry contemplates that. Eventually, he says, “If you want to talk to Merlin about it, be my guest. If he’s interested, well, then, we can talk more about what that might mean.”

Eggsy grins and gives Harry a smacking kiss on the cheek.

He doesn’t actually get an opportunity to talk to Merlin until a few days later, when the wizard finally comes off shift from Tristan’s most recent mission. Eggsy pops into his office, settling himself in the spare chair Merlin keeps there, and stays put until Merlin says, without looking at him, “I can practically hear you vibrating, lad. Want to share with the class?”

“It’s about sex.”

That startles Merlin enough that he swivels in his chair to look at Eggsy, brow furrowed. “What about it?”

Eggsy bites his lip, because he’s rehearsed his speech a thousand times, but now that he’s here, with Merlin looking at him, it suddenly doesn’t sound right. “How would you feel about being a part of mine and Harry’s relationship?” he asks instead.

Merlin’s eyebrows shoot up to roughly where Eggsy imagines his hairline used to be. Carefully, he says, “I was under the impression I already was.”

Eggsy shakes his head, “Not just the sex stuff.” Merlin opens his mouth, but Eggsy barrels on, “Harry loves you, yeah? And I think you love him, and I think maybe you like me, and god knows I like you, and I _know_ you ain’t gonna touch us, but you can still watch and talk like you do, just maybe not only to Harry, but to me too, and maybe in person instead of over the glasses? And when we’re not having sex you’d still be there, you could spend the night and be there in the morning over breakfast, and sit on the opposite end of the couch, and I wouldn’t try to make you do nothing you didn’t want to, and neither would Harry, I swear, but you’d be a proper part of our relationship, not just some sidepiece or a sex toy or whatever.” He takes a big gulp of air in, “What do you think?”

Merlin’s jaw is somewhere near the floor. He closes his mouth, and for a few heartbeats there’s perfect silence between them. Then Merlin says, “Sex toy?”

Eggsy chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, “I mean, I could have said Viagra, since we pretty much just use you in bed to get Harry hard, but you’re a bit more involved then that, and I thought it was kind of rude, and Jesus, I really need to stop rambling, don’t I?”

Inexplicably, Merlin laughs. It’s deep and full and Eggsy thinks he falls in love with Merlin just a little for that laugh. He rolls his chair closer and considers Eggsy. “You like me?”

Eggsy nods. “I get kind of…I don’t know if jealous is the right word, but when you just talk to Harry in bed…I kind of want you to talk to me too, you know? I know I don’t have the same kind of relationship with you that he does. I mean, Harry’s like the only one who’s allowed to touch you at all. And I’m not saying you should let me do that, but it’d be nice…I dunno, it’d be nice if it was less of a line and more of a triangle, you know?” Although, now that he’s said it aloud and not just in his head, it sounds a bit stupid.

Merlin smiles at him, “Eggsy, Harry and I have the relationship we do because we’ve known each other for thirty years. He’s allowed to touch me because he has always respected my boundaries, and I know he’ll allow me exactly as much contact as I want and no more. It takes a long time for me to build up to that, and no one else has stuck around long enough for me to even consider it.”

“Is that your way of telling me to get fucked, then?”

Merlin shakes his head, “You’re misunderstanding me. I’m not saying I’m not interested. You’re right, I do love Harry, and I do like you. But I don’t want to be a third wheel. I choose to just make things sex between us because then it’s my choice to be apart from your relationship, not a secondary part of it, and I don’t want you to ask me this because you feel like it’d be more convenient to have it not just be sex, because I promise you, it won’t be more convenient. I don’t want you and Harry to decide to just go back to how things were the moment you realize that being in a relationship with me will be difficult. You’ve seen how I am to work with. Imagine living with that.”

Eggsy smiles, “Kind of imagined it already, and it looks pretty good to me.”

Merlin is silent for a long minute, and Eggsy can see the gears behind his eyes turning. Eventually, he says, “If you’d like, I can talk to you more when you and Harry have sex.”

“Well, yeah, I’d like that,” Eggsy says slowly, “but does that mean you’re saying no to the rest of it?”

“If you can have that, do you really need the rest of it?”

Eggsy blinks, “I don’t _need_ any of it. And I ain’t gonna force you to do anything you don’t want. But I’d still like it, if it’s at all on the table.”

There’s another pause, and then Merlin says, “Alright.”

“Alright?”

He nods, “I want to talk to you and Harry. Properly talk about this. But, if you both really are interested, then I’m in.”

The fact that those words make Eggsy feel like someone’s lit a candle in his chest are a pretty good indicator that this was a good idea. He stands up and beams, “I’ll ask Harry, and we’ll set something up.” He blows Merlin a kiss and scampers before the wizard can change his mind.

They do talk. They sit down in one of the Kingsman conference rooms – neutral territory – and they talk. About what being in a triad would mean, how exactly Merlin would fit in.

They agree that maybe dating a bit first is a good idea, and they also agree that holding off on sex until they get a feel for the shift in dynamic is probably for the best.

The amount of time Eggsy spends wanking increases astronomically.

Dating Merlin turns out to be not much different from their relationship before. Eggsy is naturally a carer and Merlin was his friend, so whenever he wasn’t on missions he brought Merlin food and coffee and made sure he actually got some sleep. Now it’s mostly the same, except the lunches have love notes in them and the coffee has hearts drawn on top and when Eggsy drags Merlin to bed he blows him a goodnight kiss.

Merlin’s relationship with Harry hasn’t changed at all. They bicker like an old married couple and Harry sarcastically says “I love you too” when Merlin snarks at him, but he also grins at Merlin soppily over the dinner table and says those same words with perfect sincerity and he fusses almost as much as Eggsy does.

Merlin is more cautious than either of them. Eggsy gets the feeling he’s figuratively holding his breath, waiting for them to take this away from him. But slowly, slowly, he starts to relax.

About three months after they officially start dating, Eggsy is curled up almost in Harry’s lap on the sofa, pressed against his side and with his knees nudging over Harry’s thighs as they watch some romance film that Harry picked out. Eggsy looks over at Merlin, settled on the entirely opposite side of the sofa with his tablet in his lap, working on some new schematic that looks like it might be for the Rainmaker. As if he can feel Eggsy’s eyes on him, Merlin looks up, and they watch each other a minute. Something physical, almost like a telepathic message, passes between them, and Eggsy grins.

Merlin sets down his tablet and says, perfectly calmly, “Harry?” He waits until Harry looks over at him, and then says, his voice still level, “Eggsy’s going to put his hand down your trousers now.”

Harry blinks, his mouth falling open in shock, and Eggsy’s grin widens. He presses a kiss to Harry’s neck as he reaches out and unbuttons his trousers, wiggling his hand down into them so he can grasp Harry’s soft cock.

Harry is completely frozen. He stares at Merlin, then glances down at Eggsy, who keeps his hand still, just holding, not stroking. He looks back at Merlin.

“If you just want to watch the telly, that’s fine,” Eggsy tells him, “but Merlin and I are going to go upstairs, and we’re both going to get off. You can either stay down here and he can direct me solo, or you can come upstairs and be part of it.” He squeezes Harry’s cock once, then frees his hand from Harry’s trousers and stands up, and Merlin rises to his feet as well. Harry remains sitting, still shocked. Eggsy presses a kiss to his cheek, and then saunters to the stairs, and Merlin follows him casually.

When they reach the top, he can hear Harry start up after them.

Merlin drags the armchair in the corner of the room a little closer to the bed, and Eggsy starts to tug off his clothes. Harry catches him before he’s even pulled his t-shirt over his head, spinning him around and kissing him square on the lips. Eggsy melts into it, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. Harry backs him into the bed, and Eggsy sprawls out onto it, rolling his hips up against Harry eagerly.

“Patience, lad,” Merlin says, and Eggsy and Harry both look over at him. Merlin has settled into the armchair, legs crossed so his ankle rests on his knee, and he’s watching them with a neutral expression. He shifts slightly, and then says, “Harry, on your back.”

Harry crawls off of Eggsy, who sits up. He moves further onto the bed, sinking down into the mound of pillows at the head. Merlin looks to Eggsy, “Strip him.”

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy grins. He straddles Harry’s waist and goes to work on his shirt. He goes slow, dragging it out, slipping each button from its hole and pressing kisses down Harry’s chest as more skin is revealed, parting the sides until he finally untucks it from Harry’s trousers, sliding it over his shoulders and pulling it all the way off. He wriggles down lower and continues the trail of kisses along Harry’s stomach, dipping his tongue into Harry’s belly button briefly before ducking lower, lower, pressing his lips to the front of Harry’s trousers and mouthing at the shape of Harry’s cock beneath them. Harry lets out of a soft whine, and Eggsy hears Merlin chuckle.

“Is he teasing you, Harry?” Merlin asks. Harry must nod – Eggsy’s far too busy to find out – because Merlin says, “Do you want his mouth on you properly? Do you want him to swallow you down and choke on your cock?”

Harry’s cock twitches, and Eggsy rewards the reaction by trailing a hand up the inside of Harry’s thigh, squeezing high on his leg. Harry bucks down slightly, and Eggsy sucks him a little harder through the trousers.

“I believe I asked you to strip him, Eggsy,” Merlin says mildly. “It seems you’ve only done half the job.”

Eggsy doesn’t hesitate, rectifying the situation by tugging Harry’s trousers and pants down together, freeing them from his ankles and then peeling his socks off. It all goes in a pile on the floor at the end of the bed, and then Eggsy crawls back up his body and settles, breathing puffs of air against Harry’s bare cock. His eyes flick to Merlin, who gives a slight nod, and he laps at the head of Harry’s cock.

Harry lets out a shuddering breath, and Merlin leans forward, uncrossing his legs and setting his hands on his knees. “You didn’t answer me,” he says to Harry. “Do you want him to suck your cock?”

Eggsy kisses down the length, then licks back up, mouthing at the head. It thickens a little under his ministrations, and Harry breathes out, “Yes, fuck, yes.”

“You heard him, Eggsy. Go on.”

Eggsy seizes on the permission, and like this he can take Harry’s cock all the way down his throat with no problems. He suckles at the soft length, swallowing around it, and feels it fatten slowly in his throat as Merlin purrs, “It feels good, doesn’t it? Hot and wet. Your boy has cock-sucking lips, and they look so pretty stretched around you. I’m almost tempted to try them myself.” It’s high praise, and Eggsy moans. _That_ gets a reaction from Harry, and his cock goes from mostly soft to rock hard in the span of two second, Eggsy choking on it as it suddenly fills his mouth, the head nudging at the back of his throat.

“You want to fuck his mouth, don’t you?” Merlin says, and Harry breathes out an affirmative. “What’s stopping you?”

Eggsy glances up, and Harry is watching him, propped up slightly on his elbows. Eggsy hums and gives the tiniest of nods, and Harry understands, curling the fingers of one hand into Eggsy’s hair and _dragging_ him down, forcing his length all the way in until Eggsy’s nose is buried in his public hair, until he has to relax his gag reflex to fit it all, his mouth sloppy with saliva as he struggles to swallow. Harry pulls him off again and then shoves him back down, and Eggsy lets himself be guided, not so much sucking Harry’s cock as Harry is using his mouth, his hips arching up into it.

He builds up his pace, never pushing farther than Eggsy can take, but playing with the boundary line, and Eggsy hears the bedside table open and the snick of a cap, and he realizes that Merlin is hard. He’s watching them, and he’s hard, and if Eggsy focuses around the blood rushing in his ears, he can hear the slick sound of skin on skin that means Merlin is touching himself and Eggsy _moans_ around Harry, who curses and shoves a little deeper. Eggsy grinds himself down against Harry’s thigh, needing the friction because abruptly he’s so hard it _aches_.

“That’s enough,” Merlin says sharply, and Eggsy feels the hand in his hair release, and he resurfaces with a gasp, still rocking down against Harry, still trying to relieve the pressure on his cock. Merlin snaps, “I said, _that’s enough_ ,” and Eggsy feels it like a hand across his cheek, and he gasps and stills himself, trembling slightly. Merlin’s voice immediately soothes, “That’s a good lad.”

Eggsy looks over at Merlin, feeling suddenly shy. The wizard has his cock out, still idly toying with it with one hand, but other than that he looks no different than he had downstairs, completely collected, and it’s one thing to hear that over the coms but it’s another thing entirely to see it, and for some reason it just turns Eggsy on more. But he doesn’t move, doesn’t dare, because Merlin hasn’t told him he can yet.

“You have a choice,” he tells both of them. “Eggsy, you can either fuck Harry, or you can ride him. Up to you. I’ll give you both a moment to decide.” He leans back in the armchair, letting go of his cock and lacing his fingers together like that’s a normal thing to do.

Eggsy looks down at Harry and raises his eyebrows, silently passing the question to him. Harry passes it back with a half shrug and a quirk of his lips. Eggsy looks back over at Merlin, “I want to ride him.”

Merlin smiles and holds out the bottle of lube. Eggsy takes it from him and drops it on the bed, finally tugging his shirt up over his head and then his trousers and pants off. He slicks up his fingers and presses the first one into himself. “That’s it,” Merlin coaxes. “Are you watching him, Harry? See how pretty he is, stretching himself so he can take your cock?”

Harry sits up and reaches behind Eggsy, tracing his fingers over where Eggsy is pumping in and out of his hole, and he lets out a soft moan and nods.

“Well, don’t just sit there,” Merlin tells him. “Help him.”

Harry doesn’t need to be told twice, sliding one of his fingers in next to Eggsy’s. They’re thicker and longer, and the angle is better for him, and Eggsy groans as Harry unerringly finds his prostate and presses down on it. He rocks himself back against it and adds a second finger of his own. “Almost there, babe, hang on.” He gives it another minute, and then pushes Harry back down, pulling all three fingers out of himself and shifting higher on Harry’s hips.

Harry’s softened a bit; Merlin’s been quiet and his cock hasn’t gotten much attention. Eggsy wraps his fingers around it and strokes, slicking him up and trying to get him harder. Harry is tense, and Merlin purrs, “Relax, love. Let him touch you. He’s so eager, wants you inside him so badly. Can you give him that?”

Harry breath catches, and he nods, his cock firming again under Eggsy’s hand. Eggsy leans down and kisses him, guiding Harry to press against his hole, and rocking back gently until the head pops in and Harry shudders.

“You love this part, don’t you?” Merlin says, and Eggsy can’t tell which of them he’s talking to. Maybe both. “It’s such a tight fit, takes a bit of effort to get it inside, and it’s so hard not to come, isn’t it, Harry?” Harry lets out a long whine and Merlin coos, “You’re doing so well. Isn’t he doing well, Eggsy?”

“Aces,” Eggsy whispers. He slides down, letting gravity settle him against Harry’s pelvis, and holds himself there a minute. “That feel good, babe?” he asks. “You gonna fuck me proper? Let me bounce on your cock?”

Harry nods, looking a bit beyond himself, and Merlin says, “Go ahead, lad.”

Eggsy moves. Harry’s fingers curl into fists in the bedspread and Eggsy lifts himself up and drops down, impaling himself. He reaches for Harry’s hands and drags them to his hips, and the next thrust is a little harder, working up a rhythm that’s quick and grinding, nudging against Eggsy’s prostate just enough to feel good, but not so close that it pushes him over the edge just yet.

Merlin’s hand goes back to his cock, and his strokes increase in pace. Eggsy moves faster to match, fucking himself on Harry. “He’s using you like a toy,” Merlin says, and Eggsy flashes back to his conversation with Merlin and laughs. Merlin grins at him, a special inside smile that means he made the joke intentionally. Harry misses it, but it doesn’t matter, because his hands tighten on Eggsy’s hips and he slams up on the next downstroke, and Eggsy can’t help but cry out as stars dance behind his eyes, Harry nailing his prostate dead on.

“I stand corrected,” Merlin says, and it’s his turn to laugh, but it’s more of a huff and he edges closer to orgasm. Eggsy’s learned to recognize the little tells in his voice, and it’s even more clear in person; Merlin twists his wrist on the end of his strokes, his hand moving faster, his hips twitching into it, and it’s so goddamn hot.

Eggsy slams his mouth into Harry’s for a kiss with no finesse, just desperate need to be as connected to him as possible. He clenches down hard and urges against Harry’s lips, “Come on, babe, need you to come for me, _please_.”

“Do as he says, Harry,” Merlin does not request it, he _orders_ it, and Harry obeys, pulsing inside Eggsy, thrusting through it as Eggsy milks his cock, wringing out every last drop of come. He slows as Harry’s orgasm does, until he settles in his lap, breathing hard, and looks over at Merlin. He’s spilled over his fist with hardly a sound, his eyes still fixed on them. They bore a hole into Eggsy, who squirms, making Harry whimper with sensitivity.

“Go on, lad,” Merlin tells him. He looks hungry, and Eggsy slowly wraps a fist around his cock and gives a slow pull. The remains of the lube from fingering himself and his precum slick the way, and when Merlin doesn’t correct him, Eggsy’s strokes become more confident.

He watches Merlin watch him when he comes, and it’s one of the most intense orgasms of his fucking life. Hell, he almost forgets Harry’s still buried inside him until his partner lets out another soft cry.

“Sorry, babe,” Eggsy whispers, carefully sliding off him.

When he looks up again, Merlin is gone, and Eggsy frowns. Harry sits up, and before either of them can say anything Merlin is back, passing them a wet flannel so they can clean themselves up. Harry wipes himself down carefully, then does the same for Eggsy, who leans forward and gives him a long, slow kiss.

He looks back at Merlin, who’s still watching them. “That was good, yeah?” he asks, and although his voice is confident he feels that shyness again.

Merlin smiles and nods, “I thought so.”

“Then we’re all of the same mind,” Harry chimes in.

Eggsy relaxes, a tension he didn’t realize he was holding leaving his body. He allows himself to sprawl a bit, cocking his head, “You gonna go to bed now, Merlin?”

Merlin nods, “I think so, yes.” His lips quirk into a smirk, “You seem to have tired me out.”

“Not bad, considering we didn’t even touch you,” Eggsy grins. He blows Merlin a kiss, “Night, babe.”

“Goodnight, love.” He glances at Harry, and neither of them say a word, but Eggsy sees the thought that passes between them. Then Merlin is gone, to the guestroom that’s quickly becoming his bedroom, and Eggsy makes a mental note to ask Harry about asking Merlin to move in officially.

Eggsy pulls the blankets up over him and Harry, settling against him and getting comfortable. Harry wraps an arm around him and kisses his temple, “Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

And it is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a thing about relationships, but this is something he never anticipated.

Merlin never anticipated anything like this. He’s known from a very young age that he didn’t like people touching him. It was overwhelming. It made him feel sick. And it was a pretty damn good indicator that he was never going to have something even akin to what most people would consider a relationship.

And then Harry Hart had happened. Harry Hart, who had waltzing into his life, quite literally – they’d first met when he’d handled a mission where part of Harry’s cover required him to be a very good ballroom dancer – and promptly turned everything Merlin thought he knew about himself on his head.

Well. Almost everything.

Because Merlin still hadn’t wanted Harry to touch him. Oh, he thought about it. Thought about Harry’s hands on him, pressing kisses to his lips, wrapping fingers around his cock and stroking him. Spooning him at night, holding his hand. But as much as he liked the fantasy, the moment it went from an idle thought to an actual consideration, he felt sick again.

He wanted to want Harry to touch him, but he didn’t. Not really.

But Harry hadn’t minded. Merlin had drawn the line in the sand – again, literally, as they’d had the conversation while Harry was waiting to meet a contact on a beach in Morocco – and Harry had never even tried to cross it. He’d been perfectly content to be Merlin’s friend, even though he made it clear that, should Merlin ever offer more, he would be interested.

And Merlin had offered more. Watching Harry on honeypot missions…Merlin wasn’t ashamed to admit it aroused him. He hadn’t told Harry, but Harry was perceptive, and it was pretty damn hard to misinterpret “talk to me, please, tell me what you want.” The heiress in his bed (or rather, in her bed with Harry on top of her) had moaned and done just that, but Merlin was fairly certain Harry hadn’t listened, because Merlin had whispered about the dirty things he wanted to see Harry do, and Harry had complied.

Afterwards, they redrew the line in the sand – not literally this time – and settled into a give and take. Harry performing. Merlin watching.

He told himself it was enough. He couldn’t have a relationship. Harry was a tactile person, that much was obvious, always patting people on the back or hugging them or kissing their cheek, and Merlin couldn’t give him that. Nor did he want anyone besides Harry. So, he had sex with him by proxy and told himself that between that and friendship, he could be happy.

The first time he touched Harry, it was electric.

It was also accidental; they’d known each other nearly a decade, had their arrangement going for most of it, and Harry frequently made himself at home in Merlin’s office, bringing him gifts of coffee and food as a pre-emptive apology for distracting him. On one such occasion, Harry had passed him a mug of coffee, and Merlin hadn’t really been paying attention, and his hand had brushed Harry’s.

Harry jerked back sharply, and the coffee mug shattered on the floor. “Sorry,” Harry said.

Merlin had frozen, and he shook himself, responding slowly, “It’s alright, it was an accident.” Harry fled before he could offer more than that, and Merlin cleaned up the spill and considered what had happened.

The second time he touched Harry, it was deliberate, and he made that perfectly clear. He’d handed him a file, two fingers lingering on the back of Harry’s hand, and he’d made eye-contact, assuring Harry that it wasn’t an accident.

They adjusted the line again.

It took a lot of effort, those little touches, but Merlin didn’t mind. He doubted he’d ever want more than that, but an occasional brush of the fingers was nice. That Harry didn’t try to force more was even nicer.

He put his hand on Harry’s shoulder once, when Harry had nearly died, shrapnel piercing through the suit and puncturing his lung. It had been touch-and-go for a while, and Harry had been put in a medically induced coma. When he’d come out of it, mostly healed, Merlin had curled his fingers around Harry’s shoulder, needing that connection, his breath shuddering, sure Harry could read the fear in his eyes without a word.

Harry understood. A hand on the shoulder was reserved for brushes with death.

They’d known each other for over two decades before Harry touched him first.

Merlin had seen it coming; his hand had been resting on the desk next to his coffee cup as he worked, and Harry had walked past and paused, setting his hand down next to Merlin’s and nudging his index finger towards him. Merlin hadn’t looked up, but he had slid his hand a fraction closer, curious, and Harry had run his finger very lightly down the side of Merlin’s hand, waiting just long enough to make sure Merlin didn’t snatch it back, and then walking off.

So Harry touched him occasionally, when he was sure Merlin was alright with it, always making sure Merlin saw him coming and never pushing if Merlin pulled away.

It wasn’t a relationship, Merlin told himself. But Harry wasn’t seeing anyone, and they had their…thing and their friendship. Merlin wasn’t going to get anything better.

And then Eggsy Unwin happened, and his life turned on its head again. Because Harry _liked_ Eggsy. Oh, he pretended he didn’t, but Merlin could tell. Harry looked at Eggsy the same way he looked at Merlin and then some. Merlin wasn’t stupid, he knew Harry still had a bit of a thing for him, tempered down with time and distance, and if Eggsy could give Harry what Merlin couldn’t, well, Merlin liked Eggsy. He was a good lad. And Harry deserved to be happy.

So he told Harry to go for it, and Harry had.

Eggsy had asked him about his and Harry’s relationship after the fact. Told him that he was surprised, because he’d thought Merlin and Harry were a couple. Merlin had explained, more or less. He didn’t like to be touched. He and Harry had never been in a relationship. They’d had a thing, but it was over now that Harry had Eggsy. He wasn’t going to intrude.

He’d kept that promise. It hurt, but he had.

But apparently Harry had a _thing_ , and that meant that he needed Merlin. And Merlin would be lying if he said he wasn’t secretly pleased, wasn’t thrilled that in order to have Eggsy the way he wanted, Harry needed Merlin too. It hadn’t been perfect, but Merlin had never expected perfect, and he liked Eggsy and he loved Harry and that was enough.

And then Eggsy had offered him perfect. Had offered a real relationship. Not just his thing with Harry. Not even his thing with Harry and Eggsy. A real, proper relationship that Merlin could be part of without an expectation of anything he couldn’t give.

Merlin wasn’t sure he wanted it. He’d spent his entire life telling himself to settle, to take what scraps he could get and be happy with them. He was scared.

But he did want it. He wanted it enough to tell the scared part of himself to fuck off, and to figuratively grab the opportunity with both hands because who knew when it was going to be snatched away from him again, and damn it, he was going to cling to it.

“I’ve loved you what feels like my entire life,” Harry told him frankly.

“It’s about communication,” Eggsy had said. “Like any other relationship, right? We just gotta talk about boundaries, and we’ll figure it out from there.”

And they were figuring it out. They were making it work.

A soft cough interrupts his thoughts, and Merlin looks up. Eggsy is on the other end of the sofa. If Merlin were Harry, Eggsy would have nudged him with his foot to get his attention, but Merlin isn’t Harry, and Eggsy understands the boundaries perfectly. “Thinking deep thoughts, babe?” Eggsy asks him.

Merlin gives him half a smile, “Thinking about how lucky I am to have you and Harry.”

“It ain’t luck,” Eggsy says. “It’s hard work.”

“Well, maybe not hard,” Harry amends, coming into the living room with his mug of tea. He brushes two fingers along Merlin’s shoulders and rounds the couch, knocking Eggsy’s legs so he moves them enough for Harry to sit down before Eggsy drapes them over his lap. He takes a sip of tea and then says, “Any relationship is work, but it shouldn’t be difficult.”

“Like Harry and his weird thing with the bugs and boxes,” Eggsy chines in. Harry makes a sound of protest that he ignores. “Yeah, it’s work, but he likes doing it.”

Merlin can’t help the smile that blooms on his face. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just compare me to Harry’s dead bugs,” he says. Harry huffs and crosses his arms.

Eggsy pops forward and kisses his cheek, “Aw, you know we love you, babe. Weird bug fetish and all.”

“It is not a fetish,” Harry objects.

“Nah, you liking it when people watch you have sex, that’s a fetish,” Eggsy says with a cheeky grin.

Merlin laughs, “You say that like you don’t have the same fetish, lad.”

“Guilty as charged,” Eggsy says without a trace of shame. He looks at Merlin, and his expression is so damn in love that it makes Merlin’s heart hurt. Part of him wants to reach out, because he knows Eggsy likes that, likes when Harry expresses his affection physically, touch-starved as his childhood was. But Merlin can’t do that, so he settles for another smile. Eggsy knows. He understands.

They make it work.

Eggsy is different from Harry, though, because Eggsy likes to push buttons, test boundaries. Harry flagrantly disregards rules he believes are unimportant or unnecessary, but where it counts, he won’t even ask. Harry has always let Merlin draw the line in the sand and stuck with it.

Eggsy doesn’t physically try to push Merlin’s boundaries or guilt him into anything, but Eggsy does ask questions. Eggsy wants to know why.

“I ain’t trying to overwhelm you or nothing,” Eggsy promises. “And I’m not about to break your rules, right? I just want to understand.”

They’re in Merlin’s office, Merlin at his desk guiding Harry through a mission and Eggsy in the other chair a respectful distance away. Merlin mutes the coms – Harry doesn’t need him right now – and looks at Eggsy. They’ve talked about the boundaries, but they haven’t much talked about why beyond ‘I don’t like to be touched, it makes me feel physically sick.’ “What do you want to understand?” he asks carefully.

Eggsy shrugs, “Why is it sometimes okay for Harry to touch you? Like, what makes that different from other times? What changed between you, what made that okay?”

Merlin has never described this to another person, but he takes a shot. “I think the best way to explain it is that it’s a sensitivity thing. Lots of people are especially sensitive to certain kinds of sensory stimulation, and for me, touch is one of those. I touch Harry sometimes because I know he likes it, and because during those times I’m feeling less sensitive to it than usual. It’s not much, but it’s something I feel like I can give him without hurting myself. Does that make sense?”

Eggsy nods, and Merlin continues, “As for the other way around, it’s about trust. Harry is allowed to touch me because he always makes sure that I’m okay with it before he does. If I don’t want it, he won’t push the issue, and I trust him not to try and fight me on it.”

“So,” Eggsy fidgets in his chair. “Do you think you’d ever trust me like that?”

Merlin considers him, and then crooks two fingers, beckoning him, “Come here, lad.”

Eggsy’s eyes widen, and he scoots his chair forward eagerly, although he leaves some space between them. Merlin gently touches his two fingers to the back on Eggsy’s wrist where it’s laying on the armrest. Eggsy goes completely still, like Merlin is one of Harry’s butterflies and he doesn’t want to frighten him away.

Merlin strokes over the skin once, and then withdraws. He waits until Eggsy looks him in the eye before he says, “I trust you, lad. Please don’t do anything to break that trust, because Harry and I both love you very dearly, and I’m not sure our relationship could survive something like that.”

“Can I kiss you?” Eggsy blurts out, and Merlin jerks back. Eggsy covers his mouth, and then quickly says, “Jesus, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean…” He looks embarrassed and sheepish and a tiny bit horrified. “I saw something like it in a movie once. Just like-“ And he presses a kiss to his thumb and offers it out to Merlin.

Merlin blinks. The silence stretches between them, and Eggsy drops his hand, scooting back, “Sorry, sorry, it was a stupid idea, forget I said anything.”

“Eggsy, wait.”

He pauses, and Merlin slides closer to him. He presses his thumb to his lips and then reaches for Eggsy. Eggsy meets him halfway, and it’s the tiniest connection, but it makes Merlin smile. He pulls away again, and Eggsy lets out a breath Merlin’s not sure the boy knew he was holding.

“So that’s okay?” Eggsy asks. “I can kiss you like that?”

“Sometimes,” Merlin says.

Eggsy nods, “Sometimes works. Sometimes is perfect. I love you so much, babe, you know that?”

Merlin laughs, “I love you too, Eggsy.”

When Harry comes home from his mission, he greets Eggsy with a tight hug and a full-on proper kiss, and Merlin with a smile and one of Eggsy’s thumb kisses to his cheek.

Merlin doesn’t know what he did to deserve his partners, but he does know this is pretty damn close to perfect.


End file.
